Chapter One

When I was 13 I went into a mintal instatution because I was suicidal. I was dating a girl that I didn't even want to be with, not because I wasn't bi, it was because I hated my parents at the time. I was always secound best to my sister. No matter what. She played basketball and she was the best person in the world. I would cheerlead, and I was the last person on my parents mind. I hated every part about me. Not only was I sent there because of my suicidal intentions, I was sent there because I was addicted to Marijuana. Oh god, what a horiable drug. I think my partents shit them self when they found out. But what I didn't tell them was that my sister was the one smoking with me.
I was there for 5 days and got out on good behavour. As soon as I got out, I was grounded. Away from the world. When I went back to school that fall, people came up to me and told me they thought I was killed by my parents. That they knew I must have died. Because no one was imformed that I was in the hospital. Thats when I started being called to the office twice a day, to make sure that I was doing okay, and that I wasn't being bullied at school. Like I ever have before?
I started hanging out with different people. Relizing what options that I had with other people. I started using the girl that I was with, for her cheap smile, and fucked up teeth. I hated her, I wanted to fucking take all of my pain out on her. But instead. I used her like a dog, and meant every fucked up word I said. About how it will be different when I turn 18. That I will always love her. Then after one long year, I gave the fuck up on her, and life. Then told her to fuck off and find another person to be her slave.
The next month was hell. Cause everyday she would go and cry to people about how I'm a bitch, and how I'm gonna be killed by her friends from Hamilton. Well... I'm writting this, so, that never happened. She tried to make it personal. She started talking to this guy that I was completely in love with. Travis. She started dating him and tried to get him to fuck her so she could rub it in my face. She tried to emotionaly brake me down. But he smartend up and saw what was going on. Seeing as she would call me from his house, and he would be right there next to her. His mom hated her to. Well, she hated me there for a while too.
He left her, and then I started dating another girl, not because I liked her, shit, I loved this girl, but because just a few months prier, she kissed this girl and I freaked out all over her ass about it. Megan, she was amazing. I dont even know why I liked her honsetly, but there was something about her. Maybe it was because she was also dating my bestfriend Dustin. "The bi rule" the worst three words a person could ever hear. Which means. 3 people can date at one time. A girl who likes boys and girls can date and bi guy or bi girl. Well.. That was us there. Him, her, and me.
Its funny cause when I started sitting with them at lunch Travis was sitting at the table too. So that also made open conversation between us. The first time I said anything to him, I bitched him out. For taking up for her, and not relizing what she did to me. Which was the truth, she fucking used me. Then the secound time we decieded that we could never be together because we hated everything about each other. Well time passed, and changed, and it was the end of the year. Close to my birthday.
I was turning 15 then. But something was going to make me forget everything that I have ever wanted.

The Start of this All

Somewhere, in a smal town, my name has been on the lips of every person. Only because something happened to me, and they know, I will never be able to survive. "She's only six-teen. Do you really think she understand what death is". "She'll never be the same after this, just a little more fucked up than what she use to be". "Oh my god, I hope shes all right." I'm never the talk of the town. Unless someone has a problem with me which is never a worry.
I couldn't even see someone thinking that I'm a juvinal. But crazy. Crazy would be a better word.